


Don't Burn Out

by twoshipsdrifting



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Everyone lives, I'm not that much of an asshole, M/M, Magic, Major character death is only in reference to reincarnation, Multi, Or am I, Reincarnation, rushed plot lbr, sorry for the crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 23:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4239969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoshipsdrifting/pseuds/twoshipsdrifting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was...not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it's you."</p>
<p>or the au where Nick forgets who he is and it's up to his boys to bring him home again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Burn Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leighbot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leighbot/gifts).



> First of all the closest I've ever been to the UK is London, Ohio.   
> If you'd like to britpick this for me please let me know!
> 
> Thank you Courtney for holding my hand. You're a star.
> 
> Written for the prompt:
> 
> One of them is eternally young (reason why is up to the author or can be unexplored). They go through life alone because it’s easier than meeting people but then one day they meet the other and they swear they’ve met before- too long before to have been natural. Maybe the other is immortal as well, maybe it’s reincarnation. Soulmate/soul-bonding aspects would be great but are not necessary.
> 
> I reaaaallllly hope you don't mind the poly aspect I added.   
> Also this totally ran away from me I'm pretty sure I could have worked on it for six months so I'm sorry!

Nick Grimshaw’s life used to be normal.    
Er.    
Semi normal.    
He swears. 

Okay so yeah he’s sort of a celebrity.  And he has the best single job on the planet.    
And the best friends anyone could have. 

But other than those two things – his life has been mostly normal.

Normal parents.  
Normal childhood.  
Normal bit of thinking he was straight in uni. 

Only lately his life hadn’t been the most normal. 

Normal doesn’t really seem like a word one would possibly apply to his life.    
And it’s not just him that thinks so. 

Even his friends have started to notice. 

He’s beginning to think it’s a problem. 

Only – well – it’s sort of a problem how much it’s  _not_ a problem. 

To put it simply, two months ago Nick was single.    
Not terminally single thank you very much. 

Just.    
Single. 

He was married to his work.    
And he had his friends. 

It didn’t really feel right to ask for anything else. 

But then he met Niall.    
Niall who sucked him off in the alley behind a club and gave Nick his phone number afterwards. 

And there was Louis – barely three days after that.    
Louis who simultaneously seemed to hate Nick and…wanted Nick to fuck him.    
Hard. 

Not that Nick minded fucking the snark right out of him.    
In fact he quite enjoyed it. 

So there was Niall and Louis. 

And they were roommates? 

So now Nick is still single.  
Mostly. 

He just happens to also be having sex regularly with two different guys. 

Two guys who live together and sometimes sleep together but aren’t actually together?

Only it seems like they are together. 

Maybe Nick is just projecting?

In any case.  It’s weird, okay.  Nick has realized it’s weird. 

But it’s not the weirdest thing. 

And maybe that’s the problem. 

The weird stuff. 

Like the fact that Niall knew exactly how to make Nick’s coffee without having to ask. 

And the fact that he brought Nick’s favorite flowers, tulips if you must know, to the studio out of the blue one day.    
The fact that Niall brought him flowers at all honestly. 

It wasn’t like Nick broadcasted that he liked the idea of them.  The sentiment of them.    
But he did. 

And Louis – Louis was something else entirely. 

He always seemed to know just when he was about to push Nick too far.    
And he never did. 

It seemed impossible and yet…it was. 

Nick’s not really sure when this became his life but he has to admit he’s a bit concerned about how it’s all going to turn out. 

 

.:.

He’s dying. 

And Nick’s not being dramatic.  He really is dying.    
He’s dying in someone’s arms and at any other time, he’d make a joke about that song from the eighties. 

He knows this man – he knows that he knows him.    
But Nick can’t put a name to his face.  And he can’t think who this man is to him. 

He feels like he loves this man.    
Does he? 

Everything is mashed up and confused and Nick doesn’t know which way is up. 

All he knows is everything is getting a bit blurry on the edges. 

The man above him is yelling a name, and it’s not his name.    
Nick tries to frown and maybe he does.  He tries to reach up and he definitely can’t manage that, limbs too heavy and thick as they weigh him down. 

Everything fades off…

.:.

_You and I were fire-_

Nick blinks awake.    
The pit of his stomach is heavy, and he feels faintly ill. 

He doesn’t have bad dreams very often.  Even if this one is already slipping through his conscious grasp. 

Music is playing somewhere in the flat and Nick starts at that. 

He hadn’t meant to stay over actually. 

_You and I were fire-fire-fireworks.  That went off too soon-_

Nick rolls to the side to muffle his groan in the pillow.    
After a few beats feeling sorry for himself, he sits up and runs both hands down his face. 

There’s a reason you don’t start sleeping with two blokes who are already in a relationship – with each other. 

Sure it’s an open relationship, or it’s ‘not even a relationship really’, and sure he’s attracted to both of them.    
There’s just the small issue that Nick feels like the bad angle of this little triangle they’ve got going.    
He feels like the smallest angle.  Or the largest one with an unexpectedly stumpy leg. 

It’s not working.  Inasmuch as Nick wants it to work. 

This was supposed to be simple. 

There’s a low thump from somewhere in the flat – the kitchen? –  and quite suddenly there’s footsteps heading towards the bedroom. 

            “Niall, don’t walk away from me,” Louis is saying. 

Instinctively, flinching quite like a squirrel, Nick flops back down and closes his eyes. 

            “I like things the way they are,” Niall was saying – voice close enough that he must have entered the bedroom. 

            “Don’t think I’m stopping just because he’s in here,” Louis says.  “We have to tell him.” 

There’s a pinched silence. 

            “I like things the way they are,” Niall repeats. 

            “This isn’t going anywhere,” Louis tells him.  “And you know it.” 

Nick tries not to be bitter.    
Louis is always so gentle with Niall.    
Alternatively, he’s sharp with Nick, bitter unless Nick’s managed to fuck him into submission. 

Not that that ever lasts longer than five minutes. 

            “Liam’ll be back soon,” Louis adds. 

Niall sighs at that. 

Nick tries not to frown. 

Who’s Liam then? 

            “Maybe if we wait…if we could-”  
            “What?” Louis cuts him off sharply.  “Have our cake and eat it too?” 

            “I don’t know!” Niall all but shouts.  “But I’m not ready to walk away,” he continues, heated, “and don’t pretend you are either.  Stop acting so tough Louis – we both know there’s nothing to it.” 

            “It’s gonna end bad Ni,” Louis says.    
He sounds sad is the thing.    
He sounds so sad.    
“It always does,” Louis adds, so soft Nick almost misses it. 

One of them leaves.    
Nick doesn’t open his eyes to see who it is. 

.:.

Nick spends the next two days not having a single idea what to do. 

He decides to end things just as quickly as he needs to know what the fuck is going on before he walks away. 

There’s no reason for him to stay.    
It’s not like Nick is struggling finding blokes to take to bed. 

But there’s something that curls deep in him when he thinks about never seeing Louis or Niall again. 

He doesn’t know how he grew attached so quickly. 

But maybe that doesn’t matter now.    
He’s attached.    
It is what it is. 

It’s not like this was ever going to be a good idea. 

They just seem to fit so well together sometimes. 

Like the fact that neither of them have ever once forgotten how he takes his tea.    
And still the fact that Louis never pushes him too far.  He always treads right up to the edge before backing off.    
Then there’s the fact that Niall never fails to get Nick out of his funks – no matter what the problem is. 

They fight.    
Louis is hard to handle – he’s distant.    
And Nick never knows what to say when Niall gets too quiet. 

Nick still feels like an excess piece at the best of times, a waste of space at the worst. 

If anything this makes sense.    
They’ve been holding him at arm’s length since the start. 

Nick wonders why he didn’t think of that. 

.:.

It’s been nearly two weeks and both Louis and Niall have stopped trying to contact Nick. 

He still doesn’t know what he’s going to do, only that he’ll have to make a decision rather quickly. 

Only Nick doesn’t work so well with no deadline.    
So it’s another week before he comes any closer to a decision – and even then, it’s not fully by choice. 

Nick’s driving, like he does nearly every day of his life, and suddenly he’s not in his car anymore.    
He’s still driving but it’s nighttime and this is very much not his car.    
Headlights swerve too close and Nick swerves in turn, the steering wheel slips from his grasp and everything goes black. 

A horn blares from somewhere either in front of him or behind and it snaps Nick back to awareness. 

He jerks onto the berm, shutting the engine off and yanking the keys out of the ignition with trembling hands.  

He doesn’t realize he’s even dialed his phone until Louis is snapping irritably into his ear. 

            “What is it Nicholas?  Were you in a coma?” 

Nick can’t speak – he can’t articulate what just happened. 

Who has nightmares when they’re awake? 

“Are you even there?” Louis snaps.  “I swear Nicholas if you’ve dialed me with your tiny arse in your ridiculous skinny jeans-”

Nick wants to laugh or cry and he can’t decide which. 

He’s scared out of his mind and the first person he thought to call was Louis?    
Louis probably wouldn’t even care if Nick did manage to tell him what happened. 

            “I don’t know why I even called you,” Nick manages to choke out finally. 

Louis cuts off sharply.    
His tone changes the next second, speaking in a way that he’s never spoken to Nick. 

            “Nick,” Louis says carefully, “what happened?” 

            “I don’t know,” Nick says.    
He rests his forehead on the steering wheel.    
“Never mind.” 

            “Wait!” Louis yells.  “Don’t hang up, Niall’s here – talk to him, okay?”

            “Nick?” Niall asks.  “Where are you?  We’ll come to you, just tell us where you are.” 

            “I don’t know,” Nick answers.  “I was driving – I don’t know.” 

There’s a long pause. 

Nick wonders if he’s on speaker.    
He wonders if they’re having a conversation without him. 

“I think I died,” Nick says. 

.:.

Nick grows more worried the longer he watches Niall and Louis watch him.    
True to Niall’s word they came and got him, Louis even driving Nick’s car back to theirs for him.

They made him tea as soon as he arrived and wrapped a blanket around him before guiding him to sit on the couch.    
Neither of them sits next to him though, opting instead for the loveseat beside it. 

            “What’s going on,” Nick says, tea half gone and resting on his knee. 

            “We’re not sure,” Niall tells him, after glancing to Louis. 

            “Tell us what happened,” Louis says. 

            “I’ve been having nightmares,” Nick says, relieved to admit it.  “But I was awake.” 

No one says anything. 

            “What happens in these nightmares?” Louis finally asks. 

            “I die.” 

            “The same way?” Louis asks.  “Or different ways?” 

            “The only one I remember is the car accident.” 

Louis and Niall have another silent conversation. 

            “You’re going to think we’re mad,” Louis says. 

            “Lou,” Niall says tightly. 

            “I already think I’m mad,” Nick interrupts quickly.  “Maybe,” he adds, face heating. 

            “Reincarnation,” Louis says. 

The room falls silent sharply. 

Nick laughs.  Just once. 

            “If I’m reincarnated how do you two know more about it than I do?” 

            “Lou, don’t,” Niall tries. 

            “Because we’re immortal,” Louis says, wholly ignoring Niall. 

            “What?”   
Nick loses his grasp on his cup, sending it spilling off his knee and onto the floor. 

Niall shoves out of his chair and stalks to one of the spare bedrooms, which should probably concern Nick. 

However he’s more concerned with the fact that Niall’s angry over what Louis has said.    
Does that make it…true? 

            “You were supposed to remember by now,” Louis says. 

He’s still using the same gentle tone.    
Nick nearly shakes with it. 

            “What do you mean?” 

            “We’ve done this before,” Louis says.  “Three times.  It’s never been this hard before.” 

Nick’s head is beginning to ache and he blinks several times. 

            “I don’t understand…” 

            “I know,” Louis says.  “That’s part of the problem.” 

Nick takes a deep breath.    
Then another. 

“You weren’t supposed to be here,” Louis tells him.  “We thought New York – ten years from now.  If you hadn’t gotten the show we may not have found you at all.” 

Nick shakes his head and it thumps even more painfully in response.    
This can’t be real.    
It isn’t possible.

Why is he still sitting here? 

“The magic is fading,” Louis tells him. 

He pushes out of his chair as well, sitting next to Nick but not touching him.    
His tongue flicks out over his lips. 

“You need to do the spell again.” 

            “What spell?  Louis, I don’t understand.” 

            “Maybe I should have started there,” Louis says, half smiling.  “Yer a wizard Harry.” 

Nick stares at him, uncomprehending. 

“Well you preferred warlock,” Louis relents, “as I recall it.” 

            “This can’t be real.” 

            “Give us time,” Louis says, “and we’ll prove it to you.” 

            “This can’t be real,” Nick says again. 

            “Stay,” Louis tells him, taking Nick’s hand in both of his.  “If we lose you before you perform the spell we may not find you again – please Nick if you care for either of us at all…” 

            “The dreams,” Nick says. 

Louis looks away before nodding. 

            “1812 you died of pneumonia.  1858 you died in my arms after saving my life.  1947 you lost control of your car and drove off a bridge.” 

Louis is crying then, swiping at his eyes with his free hand. 

“It was my fault in ’58.  I got in a fight in a tavern and he had a pistol – you stepped in front.” 

            “I’m alright now,” Nick says, giving Louis’ hand a squeeze. 

At least if he is mad, Louis is playing along. 

            “You told me you’d do it again,” Louis sniffs.  “Because you could come back and I couldn’t – but I’m still sorry Nick.  ‘M sorry.” 

            “I thought you were immortal?” 

Louis shakes his head at that. 

            “Eternally young.”  He inhales shakily.  “We can die.  Just a bit tougher sometimes.” 

Louis swings his legs up on the couch, leaning against Nick’s side. 

“You’ll have to talk with Liam when he gets back.  He can’t keep running off to join wars like he does.” 

            “Alright,” Nick agrees.    
He can’t really feel his fingertips anymore. 

            “Stay,” Louis says again.    
  
“Stay.” 

.:.     

Nick wakes alone. 

Maybe he could tell himself it was all a dream if not for the fact that he’s still on the couch.    
The blanket they’d tucked over him is still half around him, half on the floor. 

He inhales deeply and releases it. 

This cannot be real. 

But somehow Nick hasn’t run away screaming yet.  And maybe that’s a sign. 

He brings his blanket around his shoulders again, shuffling towards the kitchen. 

            “Morning,” Niall offers, taking a sip of tea. 

He turns away from Nick then, gathering another mug and setting about making Nick tea as well. 

“You’re still here,” Niall says, not turning around. 

            “Yes,” Nick agrees. 

            “Do you believe him?”    
            “I’m not sure,” Nick admits after a long moment.    
            “Don’t you feel it?” 

Nick doesn’t know what to say.    
He wishes he felt something.  Something definite.  Like a sign. 

            “Don’t know.” 

            “You always have before,” Niall tells him. 

He slides Nick’s mug towards him, regarding him then.

            “Louis says the magic is fading.” 

            “That’s the theory.” 

Niall squeezes his hand shortly and Nick doesn’t know what to say. 

            “Why didn’t you want to tell me?” 

            “You fell in love with us before,” Niall says.    
His cheeks are flushed rosy with the admission and Nick looks down to where his mug rests on the countertop.    
“Didn’t want to force you into it.” 

Nick waits for more.

            “But?” he prompts finally. 

            “Time is running out,” Niall says bluntly.  “Every day Lou comes up with fifty ways you could die – and then I think of about thirty more.” 

            “And without the magic…” 

            “You won’t come back at the right time – or the right place.  Maybe not at all.”

            “Oh,” Nick says.    
Honestly he’s a bit put out at the idea of not coming back to life.  Even if he didn’t know it was a talent he possessed twenty four hours ago.    

            “That’s the other problem,” Niall adds.  “You’re the only one who knows the magic.  And apparently you don’t know anymore.” 

            “That’s…definitely not good then,” Nick sighs.   

They drink their tea in silence for a while.    
Nick wonders absently where Louis is. 

“Don’t I have a spell book or summat?” 

            “Not for centuries,” Niall says. 

Nick frowns at that.    
Surely he should ask what they’re supposed to do now – or if there’s a plan at all. 

            “But I had a pointy hat, right?  Tell me I did, I’ve got the face for it.” 

Niall cracks an unwilling smile, glancing down a moment. 

“And splendid robes,” Nick continues, forcing his voice overly bright.  “With jewels encrusted?” 

            “We were all quite poor,” Niall says, “lived in a hovel.” 

Nick pouts at him. 

            “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of embellishment, love.  Artistic license.” 

            “You could still remember,” Niall says after a stilted moment.  “And then you’d be cross with me.”    
His lips flick up into a small, graceful smile. 

            “Wouldn’t,” Nick says, reaching for Niall this time.  “Never cross with you.”    

            “Save that for me, don’t you Nicky?” 

Nick made a noise of outrage, even angrier at the high pitch of it. 

            “And where have you been _Lewis_?”

            “Had to go get something, didn’t I,” Louis says, grabbing Nick’s mug off the counter and heading back to the living room. 

Nick takes a moment to breathe, biting down on his bottom lip. 

            “Hey,” Niall says, “we love you.” 

Nick feels hot and cold all at once. 

            “Oh,” he manages, swallowing twice. 

            “Didn’t you figure that out,” Niall asks, grinning at him.  “We’ve spent nearly a hundred years with you.” 

            “I – well it still feels so new,” Nick admits.  “I didn’t know you two felt anything for me I thought I was just like – a spare part.  An extra to spice things up.” 

            “You and Lou,” Niall sighs, “scary similar.”    
He pushes the rest of his tea over to Nick before offering him a smile too.    
“Come on,” he says, “come see what Louis brought home.” 

If Nick’s heart stutters a bit over the way Niall says _home_ maybe he’s the only one that needs to know. 

.:.

Louis has brought a scrapbook with him. 

            “Can’t just leave this anywhere,” Louis says, “can I?” 

Once he opens it, Nick sees why. 

            “Shit,” he exhales.    
            “Proof,” Louis says grandly. 

He doesn’t let Nick touch the book and even slaps at Niall’s hand when he reaches to turn a page. 

Niall pouts and leans against Nick’s shoulder. 

Another time Nick might enjoy being squeezed between the two of them, instead he’s focused on the book in Louis’ lap. 

            “That’s us,” he says. 

Louis sighs at him before smacking a kiss to his forehead. 

            “Yes,” he says, “it’s us.” 

He turns a page, revealing more recent pictures.    
Though Nick supposes the 1940’s weren’t that recent at all.

            “We didn’t have much money at the start,” Niall explains.  “Pictures were expensive.”    
            “Right,” Nick says.    
He knew that. 

They all fall silent as Louis keeps turning the pages. 

Eventually Nick realizes that there are several blank spaces across the pages. 

            “There’s pictures missing?” 

            “Liam,” Louis says. 

Niall snickers. 

Neither of them explain. 

Nick pouts. 

.:.

For a few days things are okay. 

Nick goes to work.

Louis and Niall are extra attentive when he’s home.    
They tell him story after story of their lives together – sometimes including Liam but rarely. 

Nick wonders about Liam every time they skirt around him, but he gives up after maybe the tenth try. 

In a way it feels like the floodgates have opened and Nick just wants to float a bit before he picks up swimming against the current again. 

Only Nick still dreams of dying. 

As much as Nick loves ignoring his problems and shoving his head up in the clouds – there’s a tension between them.    
They’re gonna have to do something about it. 

.:.

The trouble is Nick doesn’t really know where to start. 

It’s not like you can just google reincarnation magic. 

In addition to that, Louis and Niall don’t know anything either. 

            “Well you always said it was dark magic,” Louis huffs at Nick finally.  “And you didn’t want us to have anything to do with it.  Really you should have seen this coming and had a contingency plan Nicholas.” 

            “I’m reasonably sure the phrase contingency plan hadn’t been invented when I did the spell.” 

            “It was the 16th century,” Niall adds, unhelpfully. 

            “So what,” Nick says, “I just start researching black magic and hope something happens?” 

Louis and Niall share a glance. 

            “We’ll help,” Niall says.  “We maybe should have started researching already.”    
He sighs and adjusts his fringe.    
“When you, you know…popped up in the wrong country.” 

            “Maybe I’m not even the right me,” Nick realizes out loud.  “Maybe I’m just a doppelganger.” 

            “What about the dreams then, love?” 

            “Why can’t I remember anything else?” 

            “Because the magic faded,” Louis says softly, “we should just be glad that you’re here with us now.” 

Nick doesn’t really know why he feels like crying then.    
Only maybe it’s the way Louis is looking at him. 

            “Can we just look at all this tomorrow?” Nick asks.  “I’m a bit tired.”

            “Of course we can,” Niall says. 

They gather him close for a few moments and Nick feels less like he wants to split apart.

.:.

They start looking at antique spell books but once again, Nick doesn’t really know what to look for. 

It’s not like he reads Latin either. 

Not anymore he supposes. 

The more he thinks about it the more Nick is getting a blistering headache.    
Why can’t he remember?    
Why didn’t past him see this coming? 

He comes home after a fruitless trip to a unique book store and opens a bottle of wine. 

It’s too quiet in his house but Nick’s not sure he can face Louis and Niall right now. 

It feels like this is all his fault and he doesn’t know how to fix it.    
There’s no one that he can go to and ask for answers.    
He doesn’t know any warlocks for god’s sakes. 

Nick starts laughing then. 

You don’t really realize how bad it’s gotten until you’re mentally scrolling through everyone you know trying to find an honest to god witch. 

Nick laughs until he cries, awkward little sobs that are still half laugh. 

When he calms, he drinks more. 

His thoughts are splintering before he can get a good look at them, leaving him confused and achey. 

It seems like a good idea to keep drinking and Nick does. 

By the time Louis finds him he’s completely gone.

Louis stands just inside the door and Nick’s not sure where he’s gotten a key for Nick’s house honestly. 

It takes Louis actually coming inside and sighing deeply at Nick for Nick to realize that Louis is in fact standing in front of him and not some strange waking dream. 

            “What on earth are you doing?” Louis asks him, tossing his fringe out of his face and placing his balled up fist on his hip. 

Nick’s trying to remember if Louis has ever even _been_ to his. 

He doesn’t really look like he belongs here is the thing.    
The décor is far too modern and a bit crazy.    
Louis just looks like some sort of artwork, deserving of a museum. 

Especially the fire in his eyes. 

            “Tired,” Nick manages.    
He wants to reach out for a cuddle but that’s not happening. 

He closes his eyes instead. 

            “We were worried about you,” Louis says, “where’s your mobile?” 

Nick manages a one shouldered shrug. 

“ _Nicholas_ ,” Louis grits out. 

            “Not even your Nicholas,” Nick says.    
His eyes are still closed.    
“Don’t even know you,” he continues.  “’M just someone else’s Nick.” 

            “Your name wasn’t always Nick,” Louis tells him after a terribly long pause.  “But you’re Nick now.  And you _are_ our Nick.  Trust your elders, love.”

            “Think I’m older than you though,” Nick says, he’s only getting sleepier and sleepier now.  “Technically,” he mumbles, unconcerned whether the word makes it out past his teeth or not. 

Louis says something that Nick can’t make sense of. 

Maybe something like the clock starting over. 

What a load of rubbish that is. 

.:.

Things are terrible when Nick wakes. 

It’s half past ten already, which means someone called in for him.    
He has to try not to cry as he realizes this. 

After a few moments he realizes he won’t be able to fall back asleep and gives up on it, rolling to look at the ceiling instead.   

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do.    
This isn’t something that has an easy answer.  And he doesn’t know who to talk to. 

Half of Nick thinks he could get his friends to believe him, at least two of them anyway.    
The other half worries that all of this is in his head – the desperate delusions of a man past his prime and still alone. 

Alright so that last bit seems unlikely.    
But less unlikely than all of this being true. 

Then there was the scrapbook of course.    
Actual physical evidence that he could reach out and touch. 

Nick wondered if being insane was like a dream.    
Does everything feel real?    
Or are you too distracted to question it?

Maybe he should see a therapist. 

Just in case. 

He covers his face with both hands and exhales deeply. 

            “Lou?”

There’s movement in the hall and Nick wonders if he was waiting out there or he happened to wake up while Louis was in the bathroom. 

Either way he’s startlingly relieved that Louis is still here. 

Tears start leaking out of Nick’s eyes and dribble down his cheeks as he makes himself breathe. 

            “How are you feeling?” Louis asks, hesitating near the edge of the bed. 

            “Not good,” Nick says. 

            “Freaking out?” 

            “A bit,” Nick admits. 

Louis hesitates again before,  
            “You want me to call Niall?” 

Nick shrugs at this. 

            “I just feel…lost,” Nick manages. 

            “I wish I could understand where you’re at,” Louis says.  “Or find a way to make you understand where we are.  What we are.” 

Nick nods.    
He does too. 

They’ve tried to tell him and they’ve tried to show him but it’s not quite the same is it. 

It’s not the same as knowing the way someone holds you.    
Or what they sound like when they cry.    
Even how they take their tea. 

Being told about someone isn’t the same as knowing them. 

Sure, he knows a bit about Niall and Louis.    
He thinks he could even love them. 

But he doesn’t feel like their souls are eternally intertwined or any of that.

Not that Nick’s sure what that would feel like. 

How do you know if you have an epic love or just plain old love?  Can you even see it accurately if you’re inside of it? 

Again Nick wonders why he can’t remember them.  Or himself. 

They said he always did before this time around. 

Nick wonders if there’s a reason for that.    
He wonders, sharply, if something happened that they don’t want to tell him.    
What’s one more secret to keep from him when he doesn’t know anything?

What if Nick wanted to forget? 

He bites at the inside of his cheek, fingers curling a bit at the panic surging up in his stomach. 

It’s possible, surely.  Even if he’s not sure how possible.     

Louis climbs into bed, shocking Nick out of his reverie. 

“Where are you?” Louis asks him. 

Nick closes his eyes and sighs.    
His pulse thumps heavily at his temples. 

            “I don’t know,” he says.  “I don’t know what to think.” 

            “You were insisting that you weren’t our Nick last night,” Louis reminds him. 

Louis gives his hand a squeeze and Nick smiles. 

“I’ve made a decision,” Louis adds. 

His voice is startlingly quiet and Nick feels as if he’s just gasped in a mouthful of ice water. 

Without his permission Nick’s hands have clenched in the sheets and he holds on tight. 

“We’ve already had lifetimes with you,” Louis says.  “Maybe it’s selfish to do this to you now.  And maybe we should just live.” 

            “I don’t understand,” Nick has to say – he has to break the silence. 

            “We could just…let you go.” 

Nick opens his mouth to respond and pauses, letting the thought roll around in his brain a bit. 

Louis hasn’t looked at him since he got into bed and he still won’t. 

            “I don’t think I want that,” Nick says slowly.  “I want you to have your version of me.  And _I_ want to remember too.  I want answers.” 

            “Whatever you want, Nick.”

Nick can’t help but feel dismayed at what nearly happened here.  Even if he’s not sure about what’s happening between the three of them something deep in Nick’s gut, maybe it’s only paranoia, is scared of leaving these boys behind. 

He tugs Louis closer and they curl up together. 

.:.

When Nick finds Harry, he thinks all his problems are solved. 

It’s only the way that Harry’s face changes when he says _reincarnation_.    
Change isn’t even an accurate way to describe it, Harry’s gentle smile shrivels up and dies – his eyes shutter like they’re preparing for a hurricane. 

            “You sure, mate?  That’s some dark magic.”

Nick hesitates.  

He doesn’t much see the point in pretending he’s not serious about this.    
It seems like they both already know he is. 

He nods once. 

Harry sighs.    
He rubs at his chin, rings glinting in the light. 

“I may have something in my restricted section.  Probably do, actually.” 

            “Restricted section?” Nick asks. 

Harry doesn’t smile though.  He just shoots Nick a wary look. 

            “That kind of magic usually requires sacrifice,” Harry says.  “Blood.” 

Nick pauses again.    
This time he frowns too.

            “Sacrifice?” 

            “Dark magic,” Harry repeats.    
He widens his eyes pointedly and Nick draws back, sighing. 

            “But it’s possible?  Reincarnation?  People that don’t age at all?” 

            “Anything is possible,” Harry tells him, “with the right spell or the right process.”  

            “I couldn’t kill anyone,” Nick says, apropos of nothing.  “I can’t kill spiders.” 

            “You could,” is all Harry says. 

            “And how would you know?” 

            “I’ve an open soul,” Harry says, like that explains anything.  “People fill in the gaps.” 

Like _that_ explains anything. 

            “Is it magic?” Nick wonders aloud. 

            “Why ask?” Harry says.  “You won’t know if I’m lying.  You’re not me.” 

He smiles as if he’s been clever and maybe he has been.    
Nick’s not sure. 

He doesn’t even want to like Harry but it hardly feels like he has a choice in the matter.   

            “Well, could you check?” Nick asks.  “If there are any spells that don’t involve sacrifice or whatever.” 

            “Every spell requires sacrifice.” 

            “You know what I mean!” Nick hisses, tempted to stomp his foot.    
He shifts from foot to foot and feels better.    
“I just need to know what’s possible,” he breathes.  “I need to know if I have options.” 

            “I won’t help you with any dark spells,” Harry says after a long moment. 

Nick sags with relief. 

            “Thank you,” he says. 

            “Come back in three weeks,” Harry replies. 

Nick nods and turns to head back through the narrow gap between bookshelves. 

“You could kill someone,” Harry says again.  “If you were properly motivated.” 

The goodbye seems to suit Harry, somehow. 

.:.

It’s not until Nick’s back at the flat that he remembers what Louis said.

_You always said it was dark magic and you didn’t want us involved._

Nick sinks down onto the couch.    

He wonders why Niall, Louis, and Liam are eternally young. 

Was that dark magic too?

.:.

Nick’s had a low level headache for nearly two weeks now. 

He has too many questions and little to no answers.  

They’ve all but completely stopped talking about the problem just because of the look Nick gets on his face. 

            “Tell me what’s wrong,” Niall says quietly. 

Louis is out with friends and Nick is struck by how blunt Niall’s being, after all this time dancing around the issue. 

            “Went and spoke with someone,” Nick says.  “Said I’d have to kill someone.” 

Niall laughs shortly. 

            “That’s mad.  You wouldn’t have.” 

            “Are you sure about that?” 

Niall sobers quickly at Nick’s tone. 

            “You aren’t a killer,” Niall tells him, settling on the sofa gingerly. 

            “Why didn’t I tell any of you about the spell then?  How’s it possible when this wizard says it isn’t?” 

            “He’s not gonna know every spell in existence, is he?  Maybe the spell has died out in the centuries since you’ve done it.  Maybe he just hasn’t found it yet.” 

            “If it has died out, is that any better?” 

Niall watches him a long moment. 

            “Do you want to kill anyone?” 

Nick can’t help a shudder at the idea of it. 

“I feel the same,” Niall says. 

He draws Nick closer and kisses his cheek, as he can’t reach his mouth in their current position. 

“We could set a time limit,” Niall says next.  “A couple months to find something and then if we don’t-”

He cuts off and Nick can fill in the rest of the sentence himself. 

The idea seems a _bit_ more appealing the second time it’s presented. 

Still though – Nick doesn’t like the idea of dying and leaving behind this epic romance.    
Even if it doesn’t feel epic with Nick buggering everything up by not getting his memories back. 

Again he can’t help but wonder if this isn’t some cosmic cock up – if he really is the man they’re looking for. 

Maybe the magic isn’t fading – maybe it’s already gone.   

He sighs, settling into Niall’s shoulder as Niall’s nimble fingers work against his scalp. 

            “Love you,” Niall tells him gently. 

Nick’s heart swells a bit at that. 

            “Yeah,” he says.

.:.

Niall doesn’t tell Louis – at least it doesn’t seem like he does.

And it feels strange, the two of them having a secret from Louis. 

Nick likes it, even if he’s mostly sure that he shouldn’t. 

.:.

It’s only another day before Harry calls. 

            “I didn’t find what you wanted,” he warns before Nick has even managed a greeting.  “But I did find something.” 

            “Okay,” Nick says. 

            “Can you come in tonight?” 

            “Yeah, I’m leaving work in two hours.”

            “Good,” Harry says.    
Then he hangs up. 

.:.

The shop is dark when Nick arrives, blinds closed and sign flipped.    
He frowns a moment before trying the door; it opens under his hand. 

The first thing Nick smells is something burning and he rushes inside to see Harry watching something burn in a bowl.    
The bowl was perched on top of a stack of books, surrounded by even more books.

            “Alright?” Nick asks. 

Harry smiles at him.

            “Good,” he says, clapping his hands together once, “you’re here.” 

            “Um,” Nick manages, “what are you doing?” 

            “It’s a charm,” Harry tells him.  “To help improve your memory.” 

            “Thanks?” 

            “Or maybe I should say…your memories,” Harry amends. 

Nick pauses then, lips turning thoughtfully. 

It’s not like he has much to lose.

            “Alright,” he says. 

.:.

By the time Nick arrives at the flat he smells of burning sage and rosemary – he can still taste the blueberry green tea too. 

Harry assured him the _charm_ was mostly herbal and just a bit of magic.  Nothing dark at all. 

Though Nick wasn’t really sure how worried he was about dark magic if he’d already killed someone just to live forever. 

Nick pushes the thought away nearly as soon as it comes.  He doesn’t want to think about that.    
Not at all.

            “Lou?” he calls out, “Ni?” 

A distraction right now would be excellent. 

There’s no answer though.  Nick sighs and closes his eyes a moment. 

He could take a shower though, at least wash away the smell of burnt herb. 

.:.

When Nick emerges from the shower, feeling much more relaxed there’s a low hum of the television from beyond the bathroom and Nick doesn’t bother dressing before moving toward it. 

            “You’re home,” he says needlessly, wriggling between Niall and Louis. 

Nick doesn’t even care when he loses his towel, settling in naked and still damp. 

Louis hums, wrapping an arm around his back and using his free hand to smooth hair off his forehead. 

            “Alright?” 

            “Tired,” Nick says. 

He thinks about telling them about today. 

What if it doesn’t work? 

He sighs and closes his eyes again. 

No reason to get their hopes up. 

Nick feels like a failure again. 

            “Talk to us,” Niall says from behind him.  “Tell us what’s wrong.” 

Nick is silent a long moment, weighing the words on his tongue. 

            “I just wish I could be what you want me to be,” he whispers. 

Louis presses a kiss to his eyebrow, tightening his arm around Nick’s back. 

            “We just don’t want to lose you,” Niall says.  “That’s all.” 

            “I know,” Nick says. 

It should be impossible to feel this young and unstable between them. 

He feels older than them both at the same moment, older in his bones. 

But accepting this as the truth – they’re far older than he can really comprehend. 

            “Tell us what you want,” Louis adds.  “If you want to stop all this we can.” 

            “Maybe Harry’ll find something,” Nick says.    
  
He’s not sure if he believes it, but hope’s the best thing he’s got right now. 

It’s not really an answer to what Louis is asking.    
Well, it’s not much of anything other than that little slip of hope.

Nick closes his eyes. 

.:.

It’s not dreaming, not quite. 

Nick isn’t sure if he knew he was unconscious until he woke. 

He thought maybe he did, but maybe he was only telling himself that. 

Maybe the memory only lasted a matter of seconds like a dream.    
But if this was magic maybe it didn’t have to play by time’s rules.

It wasn’t anything earth shattering – he and Niall were laying in a field, Niall’s head on his chest. 

Only Niall’s hair was a deep brown.  And his clothes were much too old. 

Nick remembers a house too.  A yellow house with a small front porch.    
He’s reasonably sure there was an American flag hanging off it. 

Nick pulls a pillow into his chest as he thinks back over the images.  
He smiles.

.:.

For the second time in a week, Nick arrives back to the flat and neither Louis nor Niall is there. 

In retrospect, he should have been a bit suspicious. 

But then even further in retrospect, he should just be glad he’d started to get his memories back already or he might have just screamed at Liam as a first reaction. 

Nick will admit, he gasps a bit.  Then he smiles. 

            “Did you set this up?” 

            “You just have good timing,” Liam assures him, grinning so widely his eyes crinkle up. 

A lump forms in Nick’s throat and he has to swallow twice. 

            “You look good,” he manages shallowly. 

Liam’s obviously fresh out of the shower, hair still wet where it rests on his forehead.  He’s got quite a bit of stubble on his jaw, defining it enough that Nick wants to lick it. 

            “They thought they’d give us a bit of time,” Liam says next.  “Not overwhelm you.” 

            “Didn’t really work,” Nick says, getting choked up all over again. 

Nick crosses to Liam, wrapping his arms tightly around him and holding on.

            “Missed you,” Liam says. 

The words are so quiet and soft Nick just wants to sink into them. 

            “You too.”

They kiss.  And kiss.  And kiss. 

Between them they make it to the bed – and then they simply lie together.

.:.

Liam takes on the problem like nothing Nick has ever seen. 

It’s good, if not a bit terrifying to witness. 

Honestly, Nick’s not sure he even knows as many people as Liam calls over the span of two weeks.    
And Nick knows a lot of people. 

He also insists on meeting Harry, which Niall and Louis had both skirted around. 

Nick has to laugh, wondering how Niall and Louis ever get along without him. 

Things are good, even if they are tense.    
They all find themselves orbiting around Liam more often than not. 

They’ve missed him – and he’s trying so hard to solve their problem. 

Still, it’s not like Liam can perform miracles. 

Two months in Nick doesn’t have much to show other than some recovered memories and a new wizard friend. 

He revisits the idea of calling off the search again. 

Maybe it’s enough to just live where they are.

Nights when they’re piling into bed next to each other – so, so early so Nick can be awake for work – it’s hard not to be grateful. 

It’s insane is what it is, absolutely mental.    
Nick can’t really bring himself to care anymore. 

So he’s the proud boyfriend of three eternal teenagers.  He can deal with that. 

.:.

Even though Nick has gotten quite a few memories back now, they still all talk about the past. 

Nick thinks it might be cathartic for them all to discuss it together. 

And it’s quite lovely – even if parts of it break Nick’s heart too. 

It’s not as if they’ve all stayed together for all these years.    
In fact, the three of them often separated when waiting for Nick to come back. 

Nick felt a flash of pleasure when he learned that and then quickly a stab of shame. 

There was nothing to enjoy about Louis pushing Liam and Niall away the second time Nick died. 

He always took it the hardest and Nick can’t pretend that he’s not worried about this time. 

It’s to the point where he feels like he’s suffocating when he thinks about death.    
When he thinks about having to leave all of this behind. 

Never see his parents again.    
Never go dancing with his friends again. 

Never curl up on the couch with one of these three boys.    
All of them. 

Nick can’t breathe when he thinks about it.    
His chest pulls tight and it’s all that he can do to sink into a chair and close his eyes. 

He never much thought about dying before. 

Now he thinks about it every day. 

Adding to that normal things tend to scare him now. 

Like walking down the street by himself.  
Or passing a sick old person.  

What’s going to happen when Nick dies? 

.:.

            “Don’t get up,” is the first thing the woman says, sitting across from him even as she balances a mug on a saucer. 

Nick blinks at her once.  Then twice. 

            “All right,” he says.

She’s strikingly beautiful, her dark eyes settling on Nick as if she could see through his skin.   

            “I thought I would save you some time, as it may be precious,” she says in return. 

She takes a sip of whatever is in her mug and looks at him a moment. 

“Nicholas Grimshaw,” she says next. 

Nick is not ashamed to admit that he shivers a bit at the way that she says his name. 

“You’re one of my favorites,” she says, taking another sip. 

            “Am I,” and just for a moment Nick thinks this is just a fan – that things are going to be okay. 

She nods, her eyes seeming to spark in the light. 

            “And so I’m going to save you some time and considerable effort.” 

            “Thank you?” 

            “No one avoids death as you have without my consent.” 

At that, Nick goes very still indeed. 

“I’m not god,” she adds.  “I’m not a psychic or a witch or crazy.  We’ve done this before, you and I.” 

            “Oh,” Nick says, quite calmly for how he’s actually feeling. 

            “To some I am Death – others still Fate.” 

            “Oh,” Nick manages again. 

            “I gave you three more lives, Nicholas.” 

            “Did you?” 

            “You don’t need me to answer that,” she says.  “You can’t remember the spell,” she sets her saucer on the table, letting the mug dangle in her hand.  “There is no spell Nicholas.” 

Nick stops himself from saying _oh_ again. 

            “Should we be talking about this here?” he asks instead. 

            “Why not?” she smirks, brow arched. 

Nick looks around, only now realizing that they’re in fact alone. 

He sighs. 

            “You said gave,” he realizes. 

            “Three,” she says again, “quite generous.” 

            “Right,” Nick says. 

He leans forward in his chair and picks up his own mug. 

“Why did you do that then?” 

            “I can’t say I regret what happened to your boys,” she sighs, “it’s not as if I have control of everyone and everything.” 

Nick nearly drops his mug, clearing his throat quickly. 

            “Um,” he says. 

            “This pause in their timelines was not meant to be,” she says.  “This romance was not meant to be.  Yet it is.  So, I may have fostered it for a while.”

            “Thank you,” he says, because it feels right to. 

            “Very polite,” she nods, approving.  “But I’m afraid your extra lives have run out.  This is your last go round, Nicholas.” 

Inexplicably, Nick is relieved. 

            “Oh,” he says.    
He allows himself one more.    
He’s just found out he’s going to die after all. 

Nick takes a gulp of his tea. 

            “You don’t seem upset,” she observes after another handful of moments. 

            “I might be later,” Nick admits, taking another sip of tea. 

            “You’re not going to ask for more?” she asks. 

            “Should I?” 

Nick considers it a moment, dying a bit for a cigarette. 

He supposes he’ll have to quit now. 

“Seems like you’ve already given me quite a bit.  Not that I can remember all of it, but some of it.” 

            “Very charming,” she says. 

Nick laughs shortly. 

            “Thank you.” 

            “People ask for more,” she says.  “They always ask for more.” 

Nick smiles and lifts one shoulder in a shrug. 

            “I’ve spent nearly three lifetimes, going on four, with three lads that I love very much,” he says.  “It’s more than I ever expected.”  He considers a moment.  “More than most people even dream of.” 

She nods, maybe just to show that she’s listening. 

“Doesn’t seem right to ask for more.” 

            “I suppose not.” 

She sighs and smiles at him, setting her mug on top of her saucer. 

“I have such affection for you Nicholas.” 

She stands then, reaching out and squeezing his wrist with her hand. 

Her touch is warm and Nick doesn’t really expect it to be.  Nor does he actually expect her to walk out of the coffee shop. 

Wouldn’t it be more dramatic to just fade out of existence?  Or disappear with a flash? 

Death has no sense of theatricality Nick decides. 

.:.

That night Nick tries to tell his boys about his meeting with Death – but something stops his tongue. 

It’s not nerves or anything like that, he just literally cannot tell them. 

He supposes that’s why he never told them the truth, all these years.    
Apparently there’s a bit of magic entwined in that too. 

.:.

At some point Nick is going to have to tell them that the magic is gone. 

Yet he keeps putting it off. 

.:.

He doesn’t _plan_ to tell Liam first.  It’s only that they happen to be alone for breakfast, Niall and Louis are showering – their version at least – and so it’s just him and Liam. 

Liam takes over the bacon, guiding Nick towards the table with a hand to his hip. 

            “I’ll do this,” he says with a smile, “sit.” 

            “The spell’s gone,” Nick says, sagging into his chair.  “I can’t come back this time.” 

Liam doesn’t reply immediately. 

All Nick can hear is the bacon sizzling, his own heartbeat, and then a giggle from down the hall. 

            “Are you sure?” 

Nick nods sadly.  He leans both elbows on the table and lets his head hang down. 

“How are we gonna tell Lou,” Liam hums. 

It’s not that Louis is the weakest of them, far from it.    
It was only that Louis was so protective of them all. 

            “Let Niall tell him,” Nick suggests. 

Liam delivers him a plate and sighs. 

            “We should all tell him.” 

            “I know,” Nick sighs.  “I was joking.” 

            “Wasn’t funny, love.” 

            “Up to par then.”

            “Eat,” Liam tells him, “you’ll feel better.”

            “Come sit with me,” Nick says, “I’ll feel better.” 

Liam pulls the skillet off the heat.    
He sighs and regards the mess in the kitchen before coming over and settling sideways in Nick’s lap. 

He nearly tips over the whole chair, making them both laugh. 

Liam offers him a piece of bacon. 

            “Eat,” he repeats.  “Feel better.” 

.:. 

Really, Nick shouldn’t be surprised when he comes home to a tense atmosphere. 

Liam’s not one to hold things off.    
And he’s right, Nick knows. 

If there isn’t anything any of them can do – they might as well accept it and move on from it. 

            “I got us takeaway,” Liam says gently, taking his hand and tugging him towards the table. 

Nick can’t help but feel splintered as he sees Louis and Niall already sitting at the table. 

Everyone seems sad already, maybe Liam already told them.

Maybe it’s been obvious for a few weeks now anyway. 

Nick dips to kiss Louis’ cheek, then leans back to kiss Liam’s, finally he rounds the table to kiss Niall as well and sink into a chair. 

Louis sighs.

            “Why are we having a family meeting?” he asks. 

He’s obviously trying to be brave and for a moment all Nick can offer is a sad smile. 

            “I’m sorry, Lou.”

Louis only sighs more deeply, shoulders slumping down. 

Niall reaches across to him, taking hold of his hand. 

            “Alright,” Louis says eventually, “alright.” 

Nick’s glad he doesn’t have to say any more because he’s not sure he could bear to. 

It’s a quiet meal and if they end up piled together in the bed earlier than usual maybe it’s just because everyone is tired. 

.:.

 If Nick thought that, maybe, things were going to be okay now – he was wrong. 

Things at the flat only get quieter and tenser and Nick can’t help but feel like they’re drawing away from him. 

Are they going to leave him?    
Is it easier than waiting for him to die?

Nick stops by to see Harry, mostly because he doesn’t want to go home and face everyone yet. 

He’s not quite ready for Harry to drop a stack of books when he walks in though. 

            “It’s not my fault,” Harry says. 

            “Eh?” Nick manages, tucking his phone in his pocket. 

            “I didn’t tell them about the summoning ritual, Liam already knew.” 

            “What?” Nick snaps, half his body going tense before his brain has really caught up.    
“What are you talking about?” 

            “Death,” Harry says.  “They wanted to meet with her.” 

            “What?  Why?” 

Harry looks extremely uncomfortable then. 

            “To make a deal,” he says. 

Nick can’t form words.  He doesn’t think he knows any words to say if he could. 

He turns around and exits the shop without feeling his feet on the ground. 

.:.

Making a deal with death isn’t a foreign concept to Nick. 

He’s not struggling to wrap his brain around that. 

He’s struggling to wrap his brain around the fact that they would do this. 

They don’t have any leverage. 

And it’s not even – it’s not even worth it?

Nick isn’t even with them all the time and they can find a way to make it work.    
He’ll make them find a way to make it work.    
Before he dies.

Or something. 

Alright, so maybe this is ridiculous. 

But it’s not like Nick’s life hasn’t been ridiculous for about four months now. 

Not that Nick would really be okay with anyone dying for him.    
But Nick still isn’t really _their_ Nick. 

Sure he remembers some things and they’ve told him loads more. 

But he’s still not the man that they fell in love with.    
He’s just an empty version of him. 

And Nick doesn’t think he’ll ever feel like he’s good enough for them. 

Maybe that’s why he’s relieved he’s going to die.

Nick grips his hair for a moment, sighing and focusing on driving again. 

Dying while trying to drive home and confront his eternally young boyfriends trying to make a deal with Death for him to keep living would be the height of irony.    
He doesn’t think he’d appreciate it. 

He doesn’t even know what he’s going to say when he gets there. 

Honestly who has to deal with this?

Who has to figure out a way to tell three boyfriends that they don’t want them to die for him? 

Why isn’t there a self-help book?  Maybe a greeting card?

_Dear friends, life is precious – don’t take it for granted_? 

Alright now he’s just being pathetic. 

He’s Nicholas Fucking Grimshaw and he got his dream job before thirty he’s going to find a way to grow old with his boyfriends. 




Grow old while they…don’t. 

Nick takes three more moments to mourn the absurdity of his life.




He’s fine.

Everything is going to be fine.

.:.

Death is sitting on their sofa. 

Someone’s at least gotten her tea but Death is sitting on the bleeding sofa. 

Nick pauses just inside the door and presses his hand over his eyes. 

He thought he was ready for this.    
He was not ready for this. 

Nick drops his hand and takes in the room again. 

Liam and Louis are sitting on the loveseat. 

Nick isn’t sure where Niall is but Louis has obviously been crying. 

Liam’s arm around his shoulders isn’t much of a comfort. 

            “She won’t do it,” Louis says.  “She won’t even take me instead.” 

The words are a shock to the system.    
They’re poison. 

            “Lou,” Nick wheezes.  “God.” 

            “That wasn’t the initial plan,” Liam says. 

Nick appreciates the information but he still feels ill. 

            “We’ve been waiting for you,” Death says.  “I had the notion that this wasn’t something you were on board with.” 

            “No,” Nick says, “definitely not.” 

            “As Louis said, I will not grant you reincarnation again.” 

            “I know.” 

She stands and sets her cup on the cushion behind her before crossing to Nick. 

            “I have many things to attend to,” she says, “do not summon me again.” 

Nick nods.    
He’s not sure how they’re going to move on from this but he nods anyway. 

She stretches up a bit to press a kiss to his cheek, pausing to whisper into his ear,   
“Good things come to those who wait.” 

Nick doesn’t know what to say, and he stands motionless as she leaves their flat. 

There’s three tight beats of quiet. 

Nick swallows and inhales. 

            “She could be more dramatic, right?  A cape or something?” 

Louis snorts wetly before burying his face in Liam’s shoulder. 

Nick has lots of questions but he figures they can wait. 

“Where’s Niall?” 

            “Bedroom,” Liam says, then, “Are you angry with us?” 

            “Maybe later,” Nick says. 

He kicks off his boots and hangs up his jacket before going to check on Niall. 

            “I’m so mad,” Niall says before Nick says anything.  “I’m so mad.” 

            “Yeah,” Nick says. 

            “Why does he think we want you more than him?  Why does he think that’s okay?” 

            “I don’t know,” Nick says, running his fingers through Niall’s hair and scratching at his scalp.  “Why did any of you think summoning Death was a good idea?” 

Niall shrugs into the pillow. 

            “Didn’t know what else to do.” 

            “How about we just live in denial for a while?” 

Niall shrugs again.

.:.

It’s the middle of the night when Louis pokes him in the cheek to wake him up. 

            “What if you quit your job,” he says, “what if we just travel?” 

Nick frowns at that.

“We have the money,” Louis reassures him. 

            “I love my job,” Nick says after a moment. 

            “I know.”    
Louis lies back.   
“I was just thinking.”

            “I won’t be the host forever,” Nick says.  “Probably just a couple more years.” 

            “They should keep you forever,” Louis tells him.  “Like we want to.” 

Nick draws Louis’ arm over himself. 

            “Go to sleep,” he whispers. 

Louis tugs him even closer, until Nick can feel Louis’ breathing on his chest. 

            “Goodnight,” Louis says. 

Nick can’t help the thought that they’re not saying so much more than they’re saying. 

He closes his eyes against the thought, willing himself not to think about it. 

.:.

It’s Fiona that says something first. 

            “Love, are you using a new moisturizer?” 

            “Hm?” Nick manages, looking up from an adorable selfie Niall had sent. 

            “You’re sort of…glowing,” Fiona adds, squinting at him. 

Nick pauses. 

Maybe denial is good for him. 

            “Happy, I guess,” he says. 

            “You guess?” she laughs. 

            “Well there was stuff going on,” he begins.

            “With your boyfriends?” Fiona cuts in.  “Your young, hungry boyfriends?” 

Nick wills himself not to blush. 

            “Yes,” he says.  “And now I’m sleeping again.  So.” 

Fiona looks at him for a long moment. 

            “Well…it’s working for you,” she says. 

Nick takes the compliment, tries not to be insulted for the past couple weeks, and moves on.

.:.

            “I’m not being weird,” Liam says, toothbrush in one hand and mouth full of white goo, “but are you getting work done?” 

Nick pauses, floss still between two of his bottom teeth. 

Slowly he pulls the floss out. 

            “What?” 

            “Do you feel nervous being seen with us?” Liam asks.  “I think we’ve got a few more years before we have to worry about it, babe.” 

            “Honestly,” Nick says, tossing his floss in the bin, “what are you on about?” 

Liam spits into the sink and rinses his mouth before turning off the water. 

            “Crow’s feet,” Liam says, ignoring Nick’s shout of protest, “they’re smaller.” 

            “I’m not getting any work done,” Nick informs him, huffing.  “Good luck getting a blowie any time soon, just by the way.” 

Then he takes a moment to think it over. 

“Wait, really?” 

He ignores Liam in favor of leaning closer to the mirror, pulling at his skin and peering at his reflection. 

“I look the same,” Nick decides, stepping back, “and you’re a twat.” 

            “I’m telling you,” Liam laughs, “you look younger.” 

Nick flips him two fingers and goes back into the bedroom to dress.  

.:.

            “When are you moving in?” Louis asks.

He and Niall are still half dressed, both gathered in the kitchen to help with breakfast. 

            “When are you getting a bigger bed,” Nick shoots back, grabbing a link of sausage. 

            “Bed’s big enough,” Niall pouts.  “It’s the biggest one we could find.” 

            “Niall’s right,” Louis says, “the bed is big enough.  Why are you avoiding the question?  Are you keeping your place as an escape hatch?  Are you sick of us already Nicholas?” 

            “No,” Nick laughs.  “My lease isn’t up.” 

            “Oh,” Louis says. 

            “Quit being paranoid,” Nick says, smearing a greasy kiss on Louis’ cheek.  “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Louis twists a nipple painfully and pushes him back before wiping off his cheek. 

            “Fuck off,” he says, “you’ll be late.” 

            “Thanks Mum,” Nick says.    
Then, more seriously, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

            “Better not,” Louis says, smiling quickly. 

Nick gathers his jacket from Niall and gets a hug and quick kiss. 

From Liam he gets a longer kiss, Nick pushing him off as he laughs again. 

            “Still mad at you,” Nick warns, wagging his finger. 

            “Niall thinks you look younger too,” Liam says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

            “Do not,” Niall calls from the kitchen, mouth obviously full.  “You look as amazing as you did yesterday.  As you did sixty years ago.” 

            “Alright Romeo,” Louis shouts, “let the boy go to work.” 

            “I do actually have to go,” Nick sighs. 

            “See you later,” Liam says. 

Nick gets the feeling Liam’s laughing at all of them.    
He doesn’t much care though. 

.:.

When one of the gossip blogs runs an expose on the fact that Nick looks younger – he finally starts to believe it. 

In fact, they’ve got side by side comparisons of his face. 

He looks younger.    
He really does. 

His eyes are brighter, wrinkles all but gone – the whole shebang. 

Nick’s confused, so he goes to see Harry again. 

            “Nick,” Harry cries, seemingly overjoyed to see him.  “How are you?  Wow, you look great!” 

            “That’s actually why I’m here,” Nick says.  “Did you do something?” 

            “No,” Harry frowns.  He does something weird with his hands, fingertips pressing together several times before letting his arms drop to his sides.  “I thought you wouldn’t want me to interfere with anything else.” 

            “I’m not angry with you Harry, none of this is your fault.” 

He actually found Harry quite charming.    
Was that part of the magic? 

            “Oh.  Well that’s wonderful,” Harry says, smiling again.  “You do have a definite aura around you though.  Some big magic happening.” 

            “How?” 

            “Don’t know,” Harry says.  “Wasn’t me.” 

He shrugs. 

“Looking for any rare books while you’re here?” 

Nick has to laugh. 

            “You’re ridiculous.” 

            “I am,” Harry agrees. 

Nick lets Harry walk him through the store for about an hour anyway.

.:.

His boys are all on the couch when he arrives home, watching a movie Nick doesn’t care about. 

He splays himself over their laps, not caring that his legs don’t really fit. 

            “So I’m actually getting younger,” Nick says.  “Harry says it wasn’t him.” 

No one answers him. 

Something explodes on the telly. 

            “Huh,” Liam allows. 

            “Do you think?” Louis asks.

            “She did seem to like him,” Liam says. 

            “I think she liked all of us,” Niall says. 

            “Maybe he’ll stop aging,” Liam offers. 

            “Certainly wasn’t the way it happened for us,” Louis says. 

They’re all silent.    
Something else explodes. 

They still haven’t told Nick how they became eternally young. 

All he knows is that they met after – and they don’t like to talk about it. 

            “I wouldn’t really need to be reincarnated if I’m not aging,” Nick says, if only to break the silence. 

            “Do you think?” Louis asks again. 

            “Don’t know,” Nick says. 

            “She seemed nice,” Niall says. 

            “But why are you getting younger first?” 

The answer seems obvious but Nick doesn’t know if he can say it out loud. 

What if he’s wrong?    
What if they’re all wrong? 

            “So I can be with you?” 

            “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” Liam says. 

            “It’s probably a good thing,” Niall says. 

            “Probably,” Nick agrees. 

He’s not sure how much he believes it but it feels good to say it. 

.:.

Nick’s not sure where the fortune cookie came from. 

It’s sitting on the soundboard the next morning. 

But it says _good things come to those who wait_ and Nick has to pause and reevaluate his thoughts on Death. 

Maybe she is dramatic.

.:.

The next morning, it says _meet in the middle_. 

Nick wonders if someone else is fucking with him. 

It sits on the back of his brain for the rest of the day – and when he gets home his boys are in a bit of an uproar. 

            “I have chest hair!” Niall says first, eyes huge and blue as he grips Nick’s shoulders. 

            “What?” 

            “I _swear_ my prick is bigger,” Louis cuts in. 

Liam rolls his eyes. 

            “It’s not bigger, we’re all past the age of puberty.  Honestly.” 

            “I have chest hair,” Niall says again, and then higher pitched, “I’m a real boy!” 

            “No, but my prick is bigger,” Louis says.    
He shoves hair out of his face.    
“It totally is.” 

            “What?” Nick asks again, laughing. 

            “We’re aging,” Liam finally explains.  “We think we’re aging.”

He pauses a moment and all of them exchange looks. 

“Okay, we’re probably aging.” 

_Meet in the middle_ Nick thinks. 

.:.

So there’s probably no reasonable explanation for this. 

Well – there isn’t. 

Even with the magic thrown in it doesn’t really make sense. 

Only, Nick doesn’t really care about any of that. 

He doesn’t even attempt to care.

He doesn’t know how this will end, or when it will end. 

Right now the word eternity spreads out and it’s nearly something tangible for the four of them. 

The thing is, Nick thinks this isn’t even really about him. 

He thinks it’s about his boys. 

Fate owes them something.  Fate owes them a lot of somethings.    
And maybe he’s just the lucky bastard that’s along for the ride. 

He still has a lot to learn – and in a few years they’re going to have some challenges to deal with but for now Nick’s perfectly glad to pause his own timeline. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, sorry if it was too disjointed or rushed
> 
> I'll be laying on the floor kbye


End file.
